How to Have Your Cake and Bake It, Too!: Some like it hot...

There is also an old adage that was an integral part of my growing up years that many of us, no doubt, are familiar with: "Everything is for fun or learning." Needless to say, my share of learning has occasionally largely outweighed my share of fun.

To wit:

These are the

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Note: they appear neither

red, nor hot. What gives?

Yesterday I was working on a large batch of salsas and spaghetti sauces, hoping it was the last of the season. I was canning. Hard. Sometimes when a task is tiresome, humans have a tendency to rush a process hoping to end it more quickly. As a woman who has it all, I am not excepted from this propensity.

I had been wisely wearing gloves whilst de-seeding and mincing jalapenos, bird's eyes, fish, and Hungarian peppers for the salsa. I was beginning my final batch when I realized I was out of gloves. (I kept having to take them off and toss them to help the kids.)

Anyway, I was handling a less spicy pepper and so wasn't concerned about the glove issue. However, in making this choice I failed to consider the following facts:

I was using the same cutting board and didn't wash it down before preparing the final batch of peppers ungloved.
I didn't wash my knife before preparing the final batch of peppers ungloved.
I didn't consider the delayed affect of capsaicin on the skin.
Less spicy still means spicy.

First, a science lesson...

If I have to explain who these

characters are then shame on you.

Capsaicin is the active component in chili peppers that is known as an irritant to both humans and animals. It can enter the body through the air or when it contacts the skin. It can be lethal in large doses.

Capsaicin also has useful properties that include:

prevention of weight regain after weight-loss
deterrent for mammalian pests, and
generalized pain relief including pain related to arthritis, neuralgia, and muscle strains and sprains.

However, as discussed briefly above, if capsaicin is handle improperly the results can be painful, hence:


Please pardon the quality of the photograph. I am sure you understand.

Milk products, including yogurt and sour cream, are effective in treating the intense discomfort associated with capsaicin exposure. You must, however, hold the milk product in your mouth as long as possible. Apply it to your lips as well. It took almost an hour of this treatment to get acceptable relief. This works because the casein in milk works to draw the capsaicin away from the abused receptor binding sites in your mouth.

A little research also revealed that capsaicin is being researched for use as an anti-wrinkle cream. In fact, professional hot sauce maker, Blair Lazar, discovered its miraculous youth-regerating properties while preparing a new sauce to enter into the World Guiness Book of Records when he accidentally splashed his product on his face. In his words:

"A few days later, I noticed that the skin around my face and eyes appeared brighter and firmer."

This is one of Mr. Lazar's satisfied customers.

Do I plan on trying his product? Hell to the no...ok, maybe.

On the bright side...


Ready for some hot love baby, tonight.

This photo is completely untouched. Although I will admit to having been blessed with a plump mouth, it ain't this plump. Nor this cherry red. But I decided to make the best of it and add a little sheer gloss to magnify the affect.

I found these gloves a little too late.

The pain in my hands was nearly unbearable. Cleverly, however, I filled my previously undiscovered gloves with incredibly expensive organic Greek yogurt I slipped my hands in. The effect was instant but as soon as I needed to inhale after my long exhale of relief induced ecstasy the pain returned.

When I ran out of yogurt I used cottage cheese. This was both disgusting and unhelpful...finally, at about 3:00 a.m., unable to sleep because of the pain, I pecked desperately at my keyboard and attempted to Google another remedy. I ran across the idea of using lime to break down the capsaicin oil, proffered by a Mexican chef so I figured it had immediate merit. Sure enough, it was magic and in about ten minutes the pain had subsided enough for me to pass out, battle weary, from my day of canning.