Interview With a Manpire

Before I begin this post, I want to state that I am married to a near-perfect man. I also think bad-mouthing one's husband is counter to having it all (unless he really deserves it.) However, my husband and I do on occasion have a difference of opinion.  Last Thursday morning we had two incidents that led me to wonder...do men want, need, or even think about having it all? This led me to invite my husband to sit with me to answer a few questions I am sure burn deep in the bosom of all women who have it all (and even those that don't.)

I selected today's title because
it sucks that having it all is so easy (an unnecessary) for a man.
Also, this is the last time I officially ever
found Tom Cruise sexy.

 Following is the exact transcript of the interview:

Me: "So, what does it mean to you to "have it all."

Him: "I never thought about it."

Me: "So you've never stopped and looked at your job, your family, and your home, felt as though something was out of balance, and wondered how on earth you would ever manage to have it all?

Him: "Nope."

Me: "Do you think you have it all?"

Him: "I just told you I never thought about it."

Me: "Well, think about it."

Him: "O.k."

Long pause.

Me: "So...?"

Him: "So, what?"

Me: "So do you think you have it all???"

Him: "Oh you meant to think about it now."

Longer pause while I get a mojito.

Me: "Next question. Do you think you work too much?"

Him: "Sure."

Me: "So do you think it takes time away from being with your family?"

Him: "Uh-huh."

Me: "So how does that make you feel."

Him: "It's fine. Its my job. I do it."

Me: "Well, what about 'me' time?"

Him: "I see you plenty."

Me: "No I mean 'meeee' time (using air quotes.)"

Him: "Oh. Um, I read the paper and drink coffee. I drink beer. I go to the bathroom--not all at the same time."

Me: "The clarification wasn't really necessary, dear."

Him: "Just being helpful."

Me: "Well, do you ever feel like you aren't doing enough?"

Him: "No. I'm always doing something."

Me: "But what if you could do more?"

Him: "Why would I want to?"

No, this is not a reference to myself. Keep reading
to understand the relevance.

Me: "Fair enough."

Crying child enters. Interview is suspended.

Me: "[deep, irritated sigh] Fine, lets move on. To me, having it all means keeping a nice house."

Him: "And I thank you for that."

Me: "Your welcome. But look around this room. I see five things that are disturbingly wrong here and that signal to me a failure in my efforts to have it all. Can you name those five things?"

Him: "Um."

Tick-tock.

Me: [A silent pointed look at offense number one.]

Him: "Um?"

Me: "Oh for crap's sake! There is a large dead spider 6 inches from your right foot, there are two piles of dirty laundry on the sofa, your daughter has written her name in the dust on the t.v. screen, and the damned cat is chewing on a shrew!!!"

Him: "Apparently we see things differently."

Apparently.

Gratuitous Tom. Happy Monday.