Down·time, [doun-tahym](noun): a time during a regular working period when an employee is not actively productive.
Before having it all I had the bad habit of penciling in "down-time." Although "down-time" is touted by psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, pediatricians, professional coaches, podiatrists, dermatologists, and marriage counselors as vital to a healthy and balanced family life, I have found that "down-time" is an anathema to women who have it all. Accordingly, I have dispensed with it altogether because, unlike this quaint little photo erroneously tates, laziness is a bad thing.
My family objects to my decision to ban personal "down-time." My husband, who never worried about whether he has it all, frequently admonishes me to take a break, read a book, or go get a latte and drive through the countryside. However hard your family pushes you to slowdown, you must not give in. I have created some "techniques" that will give the appearance that you are having "down-time" and hopefully quiet the discouraging voices of your family:
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| *Use caution with this time saving method. |
- Take a "bubble" bath. Use Mr. Clean* to create sudsy bubbles in the bathtub. Use the bubbles to to scrub the tub and tiled walls while briefly washing yourself as well. When you step out of the bath DO NOT use a bathmat, instead shake any clinging bubbles onto the floor and then swipe the floor clean with a towel. *Ring your hair into the towel bowl, swish with the toilet brush, and flush. (They now have scents like Hawaiian Aloha and New Zealand Spring which your family will mistake for the the Bath and Body Works stuff they got you for Mother's Day.)
- Read a book. Not really. Don't do it. Not even Shades of Grey. However, if your family is really on your case for you to take a break, slip a to-do list in between of the pages of your book, or use the edges of the book pages to sketch flower arrangements, or to perfect the closing argument for that jury trial you have in the morning. Just. Don't. Waste. Time. With. A. Damned. Book.
- Go for a walk. Nobody can see you on your iPhone checking emails, tracking your family finances, or researching new family recipes to keep your menu exciting, nutritious, and diverse.
- Lie. I have convinced my husband that cleaning the house is my form of relaxation. So much so that he recently suggested to me (after a brief and terrifying backslide into not wanting to have it all) that I spend the weekend with a single girlfriend of mine and clean her much neglected house. (My girlfriend doesn't have a husband or kids so clearly she doesn't have it all--unless you consider hot yoga retreats, happy hours, and book clubs as "having it all.")
- Enjoy a cocktail.
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| *Mr. Clean contains ingredients that irritate the nervous system, eyes, and skin. The government has established that its use poses a "slight" health risk. Make informed decisions before bathing in chemicals not intended to come into contact with human skin. |
The Warning Signs You May Be Engaging in Down-Time
- You notice a significant decrease in the vertical line between your eyes (unless you recently had Botox, Juvederm, Juvaderm Ultra, Juvaderm Ultra Plus, Juvaderm Ultra XC, Juvaderm Ultra Plus XC, Restylane, or a "life-style" lift. )
- A friend stops by for a visit and asks, "Did you fire your housekeeper?"
- A co-worker asks, "What are you so happy about?"
- You can follow along conversations that include the plot development of How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, or Glee.
- Your husband says, "Good morning, sleepyhead!" and hands you a cup of coffee.
- During a conversation with friends about a new novel you say, "Oooooh, I loved that book!"
- ****When an unexpected visitor drops by you say, "Ugh. My house doesn't usually look this way!"
- One of your children says, "This was fun, mommy, can we do it again tomorrow?"
- You are reading too many blogs.
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| This photograph has nothing whatsoever to do with this post. But really, do you care? Happy Thursday! |
And remember...if you don't have it all, you just aren't aren't trying hard enough.
****One way to handle an unexpected guest when your house is less than acceptable, splash your face with water, don your dirty apron (see August 18, 2012 post) and say, "Ugh! Sorry for the mess, I'm canning!"
Back in the day, most of the magazines for women/wives/mothers regularly served articles generously infused with advice about how to avoid the shame of which you speak. We felt it, especially, if we did not greet our men at the door upon his return from work looking as though we'd just returned from a spa day, plus sexy. Oh, except there were no spas in most of our towns. Still, the home, so the articles stressed, was to be perfect, complete with wafting aromas, and scrubbed, sweet-smelling, smily-faced, contented children skipping to greet a returning dad. I remember, though, after a particularly challenging day, how thankful I was to have read in Good Housekeeping that if a wife had somehow not kept all dishes washed and away during the day and wanted to avoid being ashamed when her husband showed up, to keep a large plastic bowl under the sink, filled with soapy water, into which she could slide her shamefully unwashed pots and plates for late-night washing, and so they would not offend the patriarch's eyes when he entered the kitchen. Good Housekeeping was right on top of it all when it came to giving us the gift of effective ways to avoid shame.
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